And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
