Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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