I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
