Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
