in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
