I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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