He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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