the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
