I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
