Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
