Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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