I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
