He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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