Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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