Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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