I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
