Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
