he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
