Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
