just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
