I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
