4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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