threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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