that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
