Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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