Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
