I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
