You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
