im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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