do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
