It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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