i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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