some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
