He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
