Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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