It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
