I wish I could teleport
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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