My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
