Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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