i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
