i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm just crazy horny about you
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
