Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
