Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
