Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
