Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
