2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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