Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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