I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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