so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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