What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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